I’m not sure where to start with this post: I’m pretty sure that this will probably end up as a rant about how awesome my mission was and how much it has changed me. So read on if you want, don’t if you don’t.
Woah… What am I doing? That’s no way to set up proper
expectations for this blog post. Let me try again:
I’d like to bear (bare?) (bore?) (blow?) my testimony…. I
know this church is true, I love my mom, ‘cause I went on a mission. Namjeschriamen.
Nope. Too primary.
As I reflect on the past three years of my life, I feel the
need to share how much they have changed me for the better. This is something I’ve
thought a lot about this past week especially because I’ve now been released
from full-time missionary service for a full year.
Well, whatever… I guess that will do.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. As many of you
probably know, my thoughts don’t always make the most sense when I write them
down. But, by the end of this post, I hope you can understand how important
serving a mission was for me, even if what I’m typing doesn’t make a whole lot
of sense.
I went on a mission because I knew it was expected of me. I
will be forever grateful for two parents that made it absolutely clear that
missionary service was an expectation of what they wanted me to do, but more
importantly that missionary service was an expectation from God. You know him?
The creator of the universe? HE wanted ME to serve a mission. So I went. (He
also wants every young priesthood holder to. So, if you are one, go.)
I opened up my mission call in April 2008: “You have been
called to serve as a missionary in the California Disneyland mission!” psych. “California
Oakland mission, you will prepare to teach the gospel in the Laotian language.”
What in the world is Laotian? Oh, isn’t there a country named Laos? Maybe it
has something to do with that. Cool. Now I have 3 months to get ready (and go
waterskiing as much as possible.)
In the few months before my mission I started to recognize
how important it is for a missionary to be exactly obedient to the
commandments. When you’re a missionary, these commandments include the rules in
the missionary handbook. This idea of obedience was solidified when my stake
president set me apart and assured me that exact obedience is possible; I
shouldn’t let anything persuade me that it wasn’t. He also helped me understand
that I was chosen and ordained with authority from God. Even though it was
President Alder that put his hands on my head, it was a blessing that came from
God.
So I went to the MTC the next day, with my first
(unofficial) companion, Tyler Bates who happened to be reporting to the MTC the
same day as me. All I really knew at that point was that I was a missionary and
I was going to be an obedient one (along with Lao numbers 1-10 and “Sabaidee”).
I soon realized that there weren’t very many Lao-speaking missionaries.
In-fact, I was the only one in the MTC. Even though the first few days are
kind-of a blur now, I remember that I cried a lot. I cried because I felt the Spirit
more than I had before. I felt the spirit testify of what I was supposed to do,
my purpose as a missionary. I was there to help real people, my brothers and
sisters, children of God, have eternal happiness. To Invite others to come unto
Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ
and his atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost
and enduring to the end.
ເຊືອເຊີນຄົນອຶນອຶນມາສູ່ພະຄິດໂດຍການຊອ່ຍເຫລືອເຂົາເຈົ້າໃຫ້ໄດ້ຮັບພະກິດຕິຄຸນທີ່ໄດ້ຖືກຟື້ຟູຄືນມາໃຫມ່ຜ່ານການມີສັດທາໃນພະເຢຊູຄິດ
ເເລະ ການຊົດໃຊ້ຂອງພະອົງການກັບໃຈການຮັບບັບຕິດສະມາການຮັບເອົາຂອງປະທານເເຫ່ງພະວິນຍານບໍລິສຸດເເລະການອົດທົນຈົນເຖິງທີ່ສຸດ.
I think the biggest realization I had
was that these were real people with real problems and the gospel really could
help them.
I’m so grateful for what I knew before my mission: that God
and Jesus Christ live and love us. That their gospel (not just some church—The Church of Jesus Christ—the only one with his full authority) had been restored
through the prophet Joseph Smith. That as we obey their commandments, we will
always be safe and blessed. That every single person on earth is a son or
daughter of God and should be treated that way. All of these things that I knew
were challenged when I was a missionary, some sooner than others, some more
than others. On my mission I learned how to apply these things that I already
knew. I learned the “so what” and I came to realize that most people don’t know
these things—things that I had taken for granted because I had them for my
whole life.
My first companion and I had a lot of very lengthy
discussions… yes, I think ‘discussions’ is a good word for it. He would tell
you about them too. We were both really prideful, and wouldn’t accept any
fraction of the other’s point of view. Looking back on these ‘discussions’ I
realize how much I learned from them. Unfortunately, at the time I let them
give me an improper expectation that I would have to defend myself and my ideas
for my whole mission, because everyone else was wrong. The things I learned
didn’t really have to do with anything we were ‘discussing,’ but rather that as
human beings, we are convinced that we have the right idea. Someone else has a conflicting
Idea. I learned that we’re usually both wrong and the challenge is to figure
out what God’s idea is for the situation.
(side note- My first companion and I are great friends now.
That’s why I can write about these ‘discussions’ that we had. Also, we both
recently had birthdays: if you forgot then shame on you.)
I’m really grateful that my parents let me be independent as
I was growing up. Because I had already learned how to take care of myself, it
wasn’t hard for me to leave for college or a mission and I don’t ever really
remember feeling homesick or even that far away from my family. Unfortunately,
missionary work is not an independent endeavor, and neither is life. Being a
missionary taught me how to work with other people to resolve problems, and
more importantly that we really can’t do anything good without the help of our
savior Jesus Christ. We need to do everything we can, but He’s the one that
makes it possible.
During the beginning of my mission, I had a hard time taking
anyone’s advice. Actually, it was pretty much my whole mission. I didn’t have
any trouble listening to and following the council of the mission president or
mission leaders, I trusted that they knew what they were talking about. It was
the other missionaries and members that I never really paid attention to. At
the very beginning of my mission, most of the advice they were giving me was contrary
to what (I thought) I knew was right, so I generally disregarded it. Then I
went through a phase when nobody really gave me any advice: I (and by I, I mean
my pride and myself) was working with a lot of newer missionaries who were
still learning and therefore just listened to what I said, whether it was
actually useful or not. It really wasn’t until a few months before returning
home that I realized that almost every piece of advice I got from another
missionary was brushed aside; every fault of mine was either justified by excuses
or not taken seriously as something important. I’m indebted to Elder Lin (is
that to Mormon cliché to say?) for telling me straight-forwardly how I was
avoiding taking council and helping me know how to change.
Finally, and most importantly, serving a mission taught me
that following the Doctrine of Christ is THE ONLY (all caps- my editor friends
are going crazy) THE ONLY WAY to be eternally happy. Second only to my parents,
my mission president David Wade and his wife Debbie have done more than anyone
else to make me who I am today, mostly because they helped me realize the importance
of the Doctrine of Christ in every single person’s life. They helped me realize that these principles are life-long, that the things I learned on my mission were forever, not just while I was a missionary. (Then I came home and grew a beard anyway, but I have a pretty valid excuse.) Of course, they didn’t
give me a testimony of it (I’ll talk about that in a second), but they gave me
the tools I needed to understand and love it. The life-changing realization and
testimony came from the Spirit, and this is just one example of when the spirit
confirmed that:
The preparation for Mai Smith’s baptism was crazy and
frantic (as it sometimes is). The building and font were locked because the
building coordinator had forgotten about the baptism, so we had to break into
the clerk’s office to find a key. There wasn’t enough time to fill the font
with hot water, so in order to start on time we had to use mostly cold. In all
the running around trying to get ready, I remembered that I’d be speaking about
the doctrine of Christ while the wet people changed. As I tried to think of
something I could say—I hadn’t had time to prepare that morning—a thought came
to my head: “Alma 7, the whole picture.” I double-checked to see that it was
the verses I was thinking of and by that time the service was starting.
When it was time, I got up and read: (Alma 7:11-16 from theBook of Mormon)
11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and aafflictions and btemptations of every kind; and this that the word
might be fulfilled which saith he will ctake upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his
people.
12 And he will take upon him adeath, that he may bloose the bands of death which bind his people;
and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with
mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to csuccor his people according to their infirmities.
13 Now the Spirit aknoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God
suffereth according to the bflesh that he might ctake upon him the sins of his people, that he
might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance;
and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.
14 Now I say unto you that ye must arepent, and be born again; for the Spirit saith
if ye are not born again ye cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven; therefore
come and be baptized unto repentance, that ye may be washed from your sins,
that ye may have faith on the Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of the
world, who is mighty to save and to cleanse from all unrighteousness.
15 Yea, I say unto you come and fear not, and lay
aside every sin, which easily doth abeset you, which doth bind you down to
destruction, yea, come and go forth, and show unto your God that ye are willing
to repent of your sins and enter into a covenant with him to keep his
commandments, and witness it unto him this day by going into the waters of
baptism.
16 And whosoever doeth this, and keepeth the
commandments of God from thenceforth, the same will aremember that I say unto him, yea, he will
remember that I have said unto him, he shall have eternal life, according to
the testimony of the Holy Spirit, which testifieth in me.
As I read these verses, the spirit gave me a clear
understanding of what they really meant for me and I was able to explain that
understanding to the people there. I really can’t express in writing the clear
understanding and conviction that came to me at that moment and in others like
it.
Well, all of that’s great, but it was over a year ago. Wasn’t
this post supposed to be about the one-year anniversary of being home from a mission?
Yes. (And now you’re thinking: “What?! He’s still not done?!”)
During the year since I’ve been home, I’ve continued to
learn. One of the biggest things that I gained from my mission is that we’ll
always be growing. My brother gave me the advice before I came home to not be
one of the “I wish I could stay; I’m just starting to get missionary work
figured out” missionaries. If we’re really doing everything we can to improve,
we’ll always be improving whether we’re missionaries or not. I’ve learned a lot
of things being home from a mission that I just couldn’t have learned on a
mission. (Girl brains are different than boy brains. Whoda thought?) And I’m
continuing to learn and grow.
Today I was blessed with the opportunity to serve as an interpreter
for 2 people (a husband and wife) in their baptismal interviews. They will be
baptized with four (or five, I don’t remember)others on July 29. Remember that
this is in a country where people can be arrested for preaching in public. The
last baptism was in April, when six people made this vital covenant. In the
investigator’s class at church today, the room was full (I should have counted,
sorry.)
God is in charge. He’s guiding us to where he can use us. He’s
preparing the way for everyone to be blessed by the Gospel. It’s a miracle that
I’m even here in Laos. It’s a miracle that there are so many faithful people
here. It will be a miracle when the doors are open to missionary work and there
won’t be anything else stopping Lao people from hearing the gospel. It’s
ultimately up to the will and timing of our Heavenly Father, but we’ve been encouraged
and promised by his prophets that as we act and pray in Faith, these blessings
will be available to everyone.
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